


And his fate was sealed

by TFALokiwriter



Series: Sirius Black was the Potters Secret Keeper [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby Harry Potter, F/M, I will obliterate your heart, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, M/M, Pain, Regret, Sad Ending, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black is James and Lily Potter's Secret Keeper, and so will the main characters, what if Sirius WAS the secret keeper?, you will be in pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TFALokiwriter/pseuds/TFALokiwriter
Summary: Sirius made a different choice regarding his duty and for that, his fate was sealed.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Sirius Black was the Potters Secret Keeper [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644202
Comments: 7
Kudos: 67





	1. Voldemort

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Of_stars_and_moon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_stars_and_moon/gifts).



> Will you get unexpected Harry Potter fix its from me? Yes.

“Can I be their secret keeper?”

Peter’s question was loaded.

Figuratively and metaphorically speaking, it was in all intents and purposes that way. He suspected Remus of being a spy. He had a strong hunch that his childhood friend was hiding something from him. Something very significant. What could it be? Being a Death Eater? Sirius looked toward his long time friend. Perhaps not a Death Eater, but something more important than that, then came to his decision.

The lives of the Potters was in his hands. His Godson. His best friends.

“No.” Sirius said.

And with that, his fate was sealed.

* * *

“Sirius Black, where are they?”

He was bound against a tree trapped by branches, vines, and what not. It was difficult to move being restrained against a tree. Not a lamp post as he had imagined a week after becoming the Potters secret keeper. Not a sign alongside the sidewalk. Not a advertisement sign. Not a bus or a car or a carriage or--anything, really. It was everything that was unlikely. Voldemort held his wand close to him.

“I will never tell you.”

Voldemort hummed.

“I will find some means of finding them.”

He twirled his wand as he smiled. 

“I will torture you, hours between, and wait for you to tell me on your free will with breaks.”

Sirius spat on to the Dark Lord’s face.

“Over my dead body!” Sirius replied. 

One of Voldemort’s Death Eaters picked up the wand then walked to his side.

“Then the pain will kill you.” Voldemort’s face darkened. “Cruciatus!”

A flash of blue then he fell into a world of pain.

* * *

Sirius drifted in and out of the world of pain. Coming to on the ground after being cut down after hours against the tree with what little sanity that he had left. He knew the situation at hand. He recalled the steps that lead him here. He recalled little basic numbers and equations, intelligence, logic--and his mind tricked him for a second that he was in a field of florescent grass. It was colorful and glowing against the darkness that was hovering over it. He was losing it and he knew it. He knew it wasn’t florescent. It was green.

Green as Lily’s eyes. Green with life, hope, and renewal. Of kindness and connection. Of growth that meant continuation of seeds planted. Seeds sowed long ago. He lifted himself up, halfway, then fell to the grassy plain of the ground beneath him with a huff. His figure ached in pain and certain soreness in his muscles. Daylight was breaking and the clouds were parting.

His muscles relaxed laid there on the ground.

Voldemort towered over him.

“Ready to talk?”

_Prongs, Lily, Prongslet!_

The family happy together, alive, laughing flashed across his mind. A memory of them at a beach flickered across his mind with Peter playing peek-a-boo with the young child and the boy letting go of precious laughter as Remus and he were close by surfing the waves. Lily and James resting on their chairs enjoying the weather. It was the perfect day in which they got to relax and have fun.

The thought of them alive gave him strength and the thought of them dead gave him defiance against that image. If he died, then the charm would fail. And Wormtail would be prone to giving out the location as would Remus and the other members. He replayed the memory in his mind on loop with the sound of the waves, the sound of Remus's laughter once Sirius had started to crash ---and took the man with him---into the water. Sirius started to laugh, himself. It started as a slow rumble that turned into a loud, pained, exhausted laughter.

Well intended as it was; the daring proclamation of defiance would doom them all. His fingers dug into the grass as his head was lowered to the ground. _No,_ Sirius thought. _Magic or muggle causes. I am not letting go that easily._ His figure trembled as he lifted himself up to his feet then hit his back against the tree. Sirius, defiantly, looked back up at him with sweat covering him.

 _Prongs, Lily, Prongslet, Moony, Wormtail._ He thought to them. _Please, remember me the way I was before.  
_

“No.” And this time, as he slumped, he smiled. “Give me your best curse.” He paused with a pant. “Tom Riddle.”

Voldemort became heavily outraged.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Out of spite, out of love; Sirius remained. It was much to the shock, confusion, and rage of the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord wore a expression that Sirius hadn't quite seen from anyone. It looked as if he were about to faint. The Dark Lord fainting by a Marauder? Unheard of, but, Sirius sensed that he was about to. Sirius lifted his head up toward the dark lord. 

“That all you got?” He grinned, the bright memory louder and more brighter than the dark bleakness of this situation.

“Cruciatus!”

And he was back out. 

* * *

He was back in. Sirius had a distinctive feeling that it was the afternoon. His body ached and screamed for rest. His soul yearned for freedom and recovery. The trembling that his body was left in was enough to summon being cradled and comforted--but, he was not. He can feel grass beneath his fingertips. He only knew pain and that was it. It was strange not to be in it in the lapse of it.

"Talk, now?"

Memories of creatures, deer laying on the beach side, a little fawn watching a large rat play peek-a-boo, and a strange mangy werewolf wearing a necklace with a heart and he felt it was his heart alongside him on a surfboard laughing at him. It was his heart that it was wearing. And the deer wore collars that he distinctively felt were his collars. Identification that they were a part of a group. Part of his group. And when he opened his eyes, he saw the man as a animal control officer with a long stick that had a rounded silver end.

"The pain they are leaving you in will be over."

His mind washed back to the creatures very dear to him.

"No."

And he sealed his fate, printed, stamped, watching the animal control officer become furious.

“Cruciatus!”

And he fell into oblivion with screams.

* * *

From behind the Dark Lord, Snape looked on in horror as he saw someone he had despised slip away as the hours passed by. Snape started to tremble growing concerned and pained by the unspeakable horror that was being thrust upon him. Someone who Lily liked was being put through pain. The pain that her friend was being hurt started to ache at him. The thought of her reaction to it clawed at him.

Voldemort looked on in delight as the man suffered over due than what he was allowed and it was gnawing at him.

Snape couldn’t watch it no longer so he raised his wand up and silently chanted, “Avada Kedavra.”

And Voldemort was no more.

Snape looked on as the final cast of the curse wore off.

And Sirius started to laugh that grew in volume until it were a booming laugh that horrified the double agent above him.

Sirius was insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gifted to of_stars_and_moon helping me in determining if I correctly wrote the torture wearing upon Sirius (and Peter's actions being in character). I sought out the Wolfstar tag on tumblr and found someone actively writing Wolfstar who was probably more versed into the torture spell than I am.


	2. Dumbledore

"Professor Snape, what _happened_ to Sirius?"

"He . . . "

"Professor Snape."

"He . . . He. . . He was tortured. I had to kill _him_ to stop it."

Dumbledore looked upon the resting young man.

"Did he fall asleep naturally?"

"I put a spell on him. He is too far gone." Snape shook his head. "If I had stopped it earlier then it wouldn't have happened."

"You did what had to be done." Dumbledore assured. "Just as we have to do cleaning up after him."

"Headmaster," Snape said. "What are we going to tell the Marauders? They are going to ask questions."

"Tell them that you found him this way and Voldemort." Dumbledore said. "That Voldemort allowed him to hold his wand last time as he was about to kill him for irony purposes and then, he was dead. Unfortunately, the Death Eater tortured him one last time and he went insane after holding on for that moment." Snape nodded in agreement. "Did you get Sirius's wand as I have asked?"

"Yes." Snape withdrew the wand from his robes.

"Was it easy?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not that difficult, surprisingly. Needed little convincing." Snape replied. "I took it from Lestrange before she left to retire for the night."

"Why did she give you it?" Dumbledore asked, intrigued.

"She has too many wands in her collection that need to be apprehended and given to Diagon Alley. Said she didn't know where to put it." Dumbledore fell disturbed. "She has shown me her collection; earlier." Then he added in disgust, shaking off the imagery, the images of wands in a simple small cauldron with name tags on them and some that had auror with descriptive words such as 'meany'. "She calls them her . . ." Snape was reluctant to finish at first. " _trophies_."

The last mention of the wands were in disgust. Dumbledore didn't say another word as he let the word hang in the air. It was difficult not to be angry at first but with time that passed by between them and careful contemplation of the situation at hand the anger went back into the sea where all his feelings went. Once, he would have let those feelings strike him down and control him. Once he was certain the disgust was gone then he was able to reply.

"Put it in to his hand." Dumbledore requested.

Snape did as instructed then made sure with a spell that it remained in place.

"Now, what?" Snape raised a brow.

"We send word of the story." Dumbledore said. "The war is over." He held his own wand above the man then did the necessary adjustments. "The secret keeper has no need to be a secret keeper and has served his purpose. The prophecy is broken."

With a tap of the wand, the Fidelius Charm was dissolved.

"The future is unknown as it was long ago and we can welcome it as a new stranger in our lives once more." Dumbledore finished.

The thought of the child getting to grow up and that he would be able to watch Lily be happy made a warm feeling grow in Snape's heart that spread all over his chest. It spread all over as the feeling turned into freeing.

It was a unique and different sensation compared to the dark feeling that he had been forced to experience. Snape started to smile for the first time in a long time and looked toward the sky with a smile. _It's all going to be okay_. His smile faded after a moment then he looked down upon the resting man.

"But, did it have to take a act of Love to end the war and lose one of our own?"

Dumbledore gazed down upon the man then finished jotting down his letter and handed it over to a owl then watched it fly off.

"There are many ways it could have gone, Professor." Dumbledore said. "This was the most . . ."

"Unfortunate way that it went." Snape said. "It could have been worse."

"A lot worse." Dumbledore shook his head turning toward the younger man. "This will be our little secret. Now, tell Lestrange and return quickly."

With a nod, Snape apparated away.

And his fate, of being alive, was sealed.


	3. The Potters

James paced back and forth in the living room the same afternoon.

"What is it, James?" Lily asked. "You are making me anxious."

"I got a bad feeling." James said then took his glasses off and cleaned it and put it back on again.

"What kind of bad feeling?" Lily asked as he linked his hands behind his back pacing back and forth.

James paused turning toward her.

"That something is wrong." James said. "That. . . Something isn't right. Something awful has happened."

"Maybe it isn't." Lily said. "You could be having a panic attack." James looked up toward Lily. "You should let our cat be your emotional support animal that I have been nagging you about one of these days."

"Crookshanks doesn't make the best Wizarding emotional support animal."

James pointed toward the unhappy cat seated on the counter across from them that was decorated in moving pictures and reminders of their trips. Even some shells that they had gained on a charmed beach safe and sound for a afternoon before the secret keeper charm was set. The shells were lined on the counter with paw prints that had became so from being dipped in paint including hand prints. Crookshanks was set perfectly in the center of all the delicate belongings with his tail wrapped around his figure.

"Because you and Crookshanks seem to have a rivalry." Lily said. 

James glared at the cat and the cat glared at him.

"That blasted cat started it."

A peck at the window caused James to jump as he turned toward the window and Lily raised her wand as did he. They settled, relieved, then began to laugh. They were this way for a few minutes as they approached the patio doors that made the fear and uncertainty melt away. They were safe and nothing was wrong. The matter melted into the background of James's mind.

"See? Just a owl." Lily said. "You are giving it too much power over you."

Reluctantly, James looked toward the orange tabby that stared back at him then back toward it.

"Alright." James said. "I will see what I can do about the cat."

James opened the door, allowed the owl to rest on to arm, unwrapped the scroll from the talons, and released it.

"This will clear everything up!" Lily said.

"Should." James said.

"James, you look pale." Lily said. "And you haven't even opened it."

"I am scared that my worst fears are going to come true." James trembled. "One slip and---" Lily put a hand on his shoulder. "It's a nightmare."

"Then we open it together, James." Lily said.

James and Lily sat down with Harry between them. They took each end of the scroll then rolled it down.

"It clears everything up too clearly." James said.

Lily picked up the parchment then her face fell into horror as she looked toward James. She started to shake her head, protesting against the facts, protesting against what had happened. There was no words that could come out. A week of freedom in the small place they called home were ensued with a certain sacrifice that was unforeseen and unprecedented. A entire future that was guaranteed. Unlikely by all accounts. James sat down on to the couch and cried with his wife joining that long after.

Little Harry clung to him and started to cry, as well, confused. He didn't know what was going on but whatever it was, it was posing significant harm to him if it posed harm to his parents. He just didn't know how dearly that it was impacting him listening to the sounds of his parents weeping. It was weeping for a friend that had been lost to the war. Someone who wasn't dead but they may as well be when it regarded the curse being used on them relentlessly.

Their hearts broke and they began to mend it.

Crookshanks leaped into the arms of the family and proceeded to purr.

And his fate was sealed for the future living with the one family that he treasured. 


	4. Remus Lupin

It was a ordinary day as Remus awoke with a smile, cheerfully. It was the second day of November and everything was fine. It was a complete week since the secret charm had been set. Since the group had banded together on the issue of making a secret keeper for the Potters. Three days until the next full moon. And Remus felt that everything was right in the world as it should be. He slid the window open and breathed in the fresh air leaning forward then closed the door behind him.

He looked forward for the fifth. A day that it was going to be Sirius's turn to hang around. It had been a unspoken shift since the first day that they had learned of his transformation. It started with them all; James, Peter, and Sirius. All of whom had gone through the process to become animagus after a month long process and failed to register themselves long after graduating Hogwarts.

He went to a shop and went to the nearest restaurant for breakfast. He ordered his meal then waited for refreshments. Sirius had promised that he would meet up with him and tell him about the film, The Evil Dead, in his most mocking ways taking several jabs at the horror film just as he did when Lily took him along. Lily and Sirius cackled at the goriest parts while James and Remus threw their popcorn into the air at the erupt noise. ' _Scaredy cats,_ ' Lily would softy say as Sirius popped a kernel into her mouth. The memory caused Remus to have a laugh in the middle of his meal.

The man had a tendency to be late, Remus reminded himself. Sometimes, didn't come when he was expected. He waited and waited looking toward the doorway patiently waiting. He felt like Hachiko in these moments waiting for Sirius to return. More as a human instead of what he turned into on full moons.

Remus smiled to himself imagining his friend talking to him about the subject, of a earlier conversation (which happened here. A familiar meeting place. A place of habit where they hung out when not studying at Hogwarts or doing things for The Order), that had taken place only days earlier:

" _You may be the one who can transform into a werewolf but you're not a dog, Moony_."

Remus smiled, fondly, then chuckled at himself cupping the side of his face with one elbow on the table.

_"And the full moons don't count?"_

_"Technically, I am the dog in this relationship and you are the treasured master_."

And Remus taking the opportunity to play with the concept in a teasingly manner.

_"Oh!" Remus sat upright raising his brows. "So I am the owner of you?"_

_"You are the only one who owns my heart."_

_"I do?"_

_"You do, Moony. I chose you all those years ago on the train because I knew you were special and we were going to have wonderful adventures together."_

_"Did you really?'" Remus lifted a brow._

_"I felt it in my guts." Sirius confirmed with a small nod and a tiny smile.  
_

_Remus lowered his brow and leaned back into the chair._

_"What does your gut tell you . . . right now?"  
_

_Sirius grew a big grin in response to the comment._

_'That man is going to outlive the dog."_

_"You and I are both men." Remus reminded. "So what dog are we outliving?"_

_"The menacing one that threatens Lily, James, and Harry. He is ugly, he is like a white deformed dog breed from dog breeders worst nightmare, and racist to kingdom come!"_

Remus smiled to himself then slid out the small and tiny box. He flipped it open revealing the ring that he had purchased for Sirius. Fit his ring size all to the tea. It hadn't been easy keeping it back from him and finding the right opportunity to ask him had been dogged by The Dark Order and every time wasn't right.

Which lead him to moments in which he was about to propose but it ended up falling apart before his eyes and he excused himself after Death Eater's actions had been discovered. Was he being suspicious in a time of war? A little too suspicious? Yes. He could only hope that everyone thought he had a hard time with Voldemort's handy work. Each time that he had been a given a task by the order and Sirius was in his cross hairs, he would go in private and rehearse to himself what to say prior to the moment, for several minutes at a time, then go to a meeting working up the courage to say it.

So far, Remus had a terrible time of doing that. In the muggle world, homosexuality was deemed illegal and criminal so he couldn't do it there. And there were little opportunities in their world with his lackluster performance. Remus chuckled to himself. One of these days after the war was over then he was going to take the opportunity and ask. He closed the box then slid it into his pocket then looked up toward the waitress.

"Top of the morning to you, Mr Lupin."

 _Lupin-Black_ , Remus corrected to himself. He had been practicing for the last few months should Sirius say yes. He anticipated a hefty no but he wanted to give it a practice in case the answer was _'Yes, course I would marry you, Moony.'_ and a mess of smooching for a long while in their private moment together.

"Good morning, Miss Poppins." Remus replied.

"May I take your order?" Poppins asked.

"Ham, egg, and crepe please." Remus said. "And my companion will be here shortly. He will take a slice of crepe cake."

"Your man of honor?" Poppins was a good friend of his in the muggle world. A non-magic in the Poppins family. "Does Mr Black know?"

"No." Remus replied with a small smile. "But, he will."

"Congratulations." The waiter smiled then jotted down on the pad. "Any refreshments?"

"Tea, please." Remus replied. 

* * *

Everything is fine, even as he gets a additional meal at his table, then notices after two hours; Sirius never came. He starts to suspect the inevitable. He races to his apartment then looks up spotting a owl and he feels his heart drop. He goes up the stairs to each floor. His mind swirling; Lily? James? Sirius? Harry? Are they safe? Is Voldemort dead?

He flings the door open for his small apartment then opens the window. 

"Talon out." Remus ordered and the owl complied,

Remus took the letter out of the owl's talons and unscrolled it.

_Voldemort is dead. Murdered by Sirius Black. Sirius Black has been rendered insane because of his encounter with Voldemort._

Remus started to laugh as he dropped the letter then began to sink down where he screamed in anguish hunched over.

They had won; but, they had lost.

And he sealed his fate for what came after the war with his opportunities to propose that were not taken. 


	5. Peter Pettigrew part 1

"Peter." 

James's voice sounded hoarse and it was concerning once Peter picked up the phone. 

"Sorry, the phone line isn't really too good. . ." Peter said.  


"It's not the phone." James said.  


Peter frowned. 

"What is it?"

From over the end, there was silence. 

"It's about Sirius." And there was a sob. "Voldemort got to him."

"Oh." Peter's voice lowered. "How awful."

"He is in the hospital." James said.  


His voice was soft with a sniffle. From the other end, James breathed in a sigh then let it go. The sigh sounded shaky coming from James. It was the shakiest that he had ever heard from someone who's voice wasn't too disturbed, too broken, too shattered, too sad, to sorrow--it was jarring to hear him that way. It was jarring to hear at all and unusual. It sounded unlike him. 

"Are you going?" Peter asked.  


He had another sob. 

"I can't see him right now." James replied. "Lily and I. . . We are leaving Britain. We should have done that. We should have---"

"Hey, it's okay, you're alive, Prongs."

"Wormtail--" his voice shattered as he could visualize his old friend put a hand on his forehead and beginning to _cry_. "Oh my god. Oh my god."

And the phone line went dead. 

And Peter grew terrified as he put the phone down. 

But, he was curious (and afraid at once of what scars he might see); Sirius Black lived after a encounter with Voldemort.

How? How? How did he seal his fate in the hospital?  



	6. Peter Pettigrew part 2

St. Mungo's _Hospital_ for Magical Maladies and Injuries. It was a place that he hadn't been before; it was only referred to as the hospital in his long Wizardly lifetime. He followed the directions to a tea when it regarded apparating there on his wish. The door chimed as he entered the hospital then went for the spells section of the hospital after reading the plagues.

He came into the community room and heard noises. Sounds of chess pieces being moved from tables, the sound of knitting, people mindlessly watching Wizardly television that had been produced for their liking, and there was one noise in particular that stood out. He saw a familiar figure in a white gown facing the corner with their back to him singing quite lovely. Dark brown curly hair that stood out against the rest of the other people; his hair was curly and short compared to the rest.

"Padfoot?"

Peter approached the secret keeper then put a hand on their shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

The man carried on singing.

"Sirius Orion Black, can you please face me?"

The man carried on.

"I thought you were braver than I was. But, you're not. We all got scars."

The man was singing the muggle song 'the wheels on the bus go round and round'.

"Look at me!"

Peter turned the man around and----there was something missing in his eyes, something was wrong, something was absent, it wasn't his soul, but something significant---Sirius was singing, _cheerfully_. Sirius was waving a finger along to the rhythm to the song and a grin. All the while not minding the deeply horrified and paled man's reaction.

"Padfoot?" Peter squeaked once regaining what was left of his bearings.

Not a scowl, not a retort that he wasn't afraid, not a rude comment.

"Are you there?"

Sirius stared at Peter as though he didn't know who he was or what he was.

"Can you hear me?"

Peter's hands fell off the man's shoulder.

"Oh great Merlin," Peter said in horror stepping back. "Sirius--I---I---I---I--I knew you were a fighter but I didn't expect you to go _that_ far." 

He watched the man walk past him. Peter's face paled as he turned toward the figure that was singing walking about in the ward then sat down into the nearest chair going on to another song. Peter cover his mouth with a hand feeling as though he wanted to shrink and never show himself ever again. Not as a man but as a small gutless mouse.

 _No, they would get on to me._ Peter shook his head. _And I would release the information._

Peter fought back the tears, the terror, leaving the room as his heart pounded. He came to a pause by a healer who placed their hand on the side of her shoulder. She was gentle and kind. Reassuring as he sniffled then handed him a handkerchief and he blew into it. With magic, she cleaned it off once he returned it to her.

"Hello, you're a family friend of Sirius Black?"

"In a way." Peter said. "What happened to him?"

"He was tortured by you know who." The healer replied then grimaced.

"I have heard." Peter said. "How did he survive?"

"You mean you haven't heard?" She raised her brows.

"I haven't." Peter shook his head.

"Everyone knows." The healer said.

"I left before I got the owl." Peter shrugged.

The healer shook her head with a task.

"Complete accident," The healer said. "Terribly mad and allowed to hold his wand for one last time before you know who killed him and then. . . and then. . and then . . "

"And then what?" Peter asked. 

The healer in the green robes looked toward Sirius.

"Before you know who knew it; Sirius Black returned. For just a moment." Peter grew a small heart broken smile. _That's Padfoot_. "A surreal glorious moment that lasted a while."

Her gaze shifted toward Peter as the man started to feel himself grow _emotional_. Over someone that he had betrayed regarding who was the secret keeper. Someone who used to be in a elite pure blood family and had sided with the muggle born Wizards. Chosen death over not having them at all and remaining in the sidelines as they were killed.

A close friend used as a meat shield. Someone that he had grown up alongside from a young boy into a young man. Someone---Someone that he had cared for. It was too late. The damage was done. Too little.

"Then he was truly rendered insane by one of you know who's followers that remained. I heard there was a fitting fight for him. Him against a dozen Death Eaters as he ran for help." He paused letting the words sink in. "Before he was knocked out of commission then struck with a unforgivable curse."

Peter's smile became tearful.

"Course that is according to the wild rumors running amok." The healer finished. 

Peter sucked in a breath then exhaled and let go of a pretty smile.

"Thank you." Peter said. "You have been most helpful."

Then Peter walked down the corridor and apparated away.


	7. Peter Pettigrew part 3

"Remus?"

Peter knocked a third time.

"Remus?"

Peter turned into a rat then slid in and found Remus, a shell of himself, digging into the wall leaving a blood trail behind screaming in grief, despair, and regrets. He was hurting badly. Peter returned to his human form then reached a hand out and placed it on to Remus's shoulder. He used his other hand to perform a spell that locked the windows and made it sound proof for what was the night ahead of them.

"Talk to me about him."

"I never got to propose," Remus trembled as Peter silently chanted a healing spell for the man's fingernails and removed the stains in the wall and on his clothing. "I never got to propose the question."

"What question?"

"If he would be my Wizarding husband."

"Your---Husband?"

Remus sniffled.

"Yes."

Peter closed the curtains to the room over the window.

"I didn't know you were going to do that, Remus. How come you didn't tell the others?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I won't tell the Potters of this tragedy."

"Thank you."

"So that makes it another of our secrets?"

"Breaking Lily's china dishes by accident in human form." Remus started to smile as he regained his composure "Asides to that; it does." he looked toward Peter. "How is he?"

"Not himself." Peter said. "He is . . so. . . innocent. Like a child. A insane child. I visited him yesterday; he was rowing a boat that wasn't there." He eyed at Remus. "Did you canoe with him?"

Remus shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, pained.

"No. We talked about it."

"He flipped over---" Peter stopped himself then Remus lifted his head up with a sigh. "The healers had to medicate him." He rubbed Remus's back as the man opened his eyes with pain in them. "He was having a 'summer camp' episode according to the healers."

Remus sobbed in to his fist.

"Did he talk back?"

"Kept referring to me as counselor Dish. Before the episode. It was fun playing with him like old times sake for a little while."

And sealed his fate for the night, of watching Remus at his worst, the grief channeling through his werewolf form. It was the worst nights of the change in Peter's view. It hadn't been that bad in the last one. Then again, Sirius had been there in the last change. October 13th, the day that most muggles claimed was a bad day. And it was a bad day in many respects. Because it was the last time that Remus had the love of his life close to him in the same room at night.

Remus howled and it wasn't one of his normal howls.

That much Peter recognized.

It was the howl of _grief_.

* * *

Peter found a place in the wilderness of Alaska the day after Remus's full moon. It had been a impromptu trip in which he apparated after using his passport. It was the most remote area that he could find after traveling for many days. He came to the center of the forest then set up his medical site within a shelter that he made with some spells.

Peter looked at his damned hand reflectively with his sleeve torn.

Could he live without it?

Without the sight of his betrayal?

With the phantom pains of not having arm?

With the knowing that he wouldn't be discovered, if ever, regarding his role in Sirius Black's insanity? Would he ever be discovered of what he had done to the people that called him friend? Could he live as the rat with three feet? Yes, he could.

Some spells were in his disposal to heal the nerves, spells that he mentally chanted over and over and over until he were sure that he could do it within a moments notice. He would live as a amputee. With the guilt, the memory of Sirius's condition and visiting him from time to time, with trying to repent for his part every day of his natural life span. It was cruel enough punishment in his eyes and fitting.

No Azkaban.

No Dementor Kiss.

He could live with the knowledge and within his personal made prison.

"Diffindo."

Peter fought back the tears as he healed his wounds just enough to keep him alive to apparate for a hospital and a arm that didn't have a owner. He panted then issued the next spell that destroyed the evidence of his part in Sirius Black's untimely demise---Demise? His mind was beyond reach. His body was whole. And he wasn't being sane. He was in every intents and purposes; gone.

With that reminder, Peter raised his wand at the arm then destroyed it thoroughly with a dark spell. And it was no more. As was the Peter that had earned it, gained it, and gleefully enjoyed the sting as it was carved into his arm. Gleeful for survival. Gleeful. And now, he hated the man that he was before.

If he had only known they would win in that way; he wouldn't have done it at all. If he had known it was by his words of the name of the secret keeper. The same one who did what he did to Voldemort. Then he paused recalling what was necessary.

He had to wound himself.

With some self-inflicted wand related wounds and spells, it was all set up, he slipped his wand away, then prepared himself for the future.

Then he apparated away to a muggle hospital and walked in. 

And his fate was sealed with guilt, regret, and a scream for help.

* * *

Peter gets the incident written down on paper and acknowledged in his medical file. He returns home the following day with instructions from the nurse staff regarding on tending the wound and he leaves. He goes home but home doesn't feel as bright and vibrant.

It feels dull so he removes stain after stain after stain until all that is left is white walls and furniture that look like props from a movie. A terrible movie in fact that had little to do with magic and more with horror. He turned on the telly then got comfortable in the chair and starts to move his hand to his arm rest---He doesn't have a hand.

Just as well as there isn't a Sirius Black walking about, quite sane, and happily evading Voldemort.

And he wept.

* * *

**Knock. Knock. Knock.**

Peter opened the door then leaned forward, wearing a jacket, heart racing and relaxed spotting a wizard---a wizard?

"Mr Pettigrew?"

"Yes." Peter said. "I am he."

"Do you have a garage?"

"Yes." Peter said. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"Put the motorbike in, boys!"

Peter paled as his last discussion with Sirius Black came to.

* * *

_"What are you going to do with the motorbike? Should the worst happen to you."_

_"Entrust it with someone I know who can take care of it should I not make it out of this war. I know I won't. Someone who will take care of it as I did."_

_"That's very cynical, Padfoot."_

_"Cynical? You don't know the start of it. Cynical is Death and the Veil taking me against my will. Cynical is Prongs, Prongslet, Lily, you, Frank, Alice, all of them dying, and so is every muggle on this planet." Sirius said. "But, to be optimistic? Is that everyone gets to live. Every single bloody little soul involved in this war." He twirled his wand in mid air. "I have hope things will come through and the Potters live."_

_"At what cost?" Peter asked. "Sealing your fate?"_

_"Anything is worth family. People who don't disown me. People who I chose. People who forgive me for my actions and accept me."_

_"Even at your worst?"_

_"Even what the war may drive me to do, Wormtail."_

_"What if. . I did something bad? Would you forgive me or would you . . . Chase me and chase me? Over a sea?"_

_Sirius stared him down in a way that intimidated Peter._

_"It depends what you did."_

_"And that's the condition to it all, isn't it?" Peter hunched his brows together. "Not betraying the Potters?"_

_"Yes. Wormtail, that is precisely why I said no. You squeal. And that does not make up a secret keeper." he wiggled his wand from side to side then his facial features softened. "Good-bye, Peter." Sirius placed his hand on the man's shoulder then gave it a squeeze. "I have a charm to finish."_

_And Sirius apparated past him to his motorbike then flew away._

* * *

Peter slammed the door close once he signed the paper then stormed into his room.

He screamed in his room and screamed and screamed until he couldn't scream no more.

Sirius trusted him with his prized belongings when he couldn't trust him with the Potters.

The conversation echoed and stretched into hours as he grieved; hard.

A vehicle that was magical was just treasured as a life; to care for and to preserve.

As Peter's rage of grief ended during his recovery from the severing, the wounds, he checked the moon cycle to determine when his next shift would be.

As much as he was grieving for his own ill advised mistake, he had a friend that needed him the most to stick around and make sure that the next few changes were going to be smooth sailing for when James returned. Peter's eyes watered at the thought of planning a future where it was just him and James soothing Remus and it was a stab to the heart that he was the cause of the pain.

He goes into the garage and finds the motorbike suffering damage. The plating is dented and the metal is in the worst condition possible. The wheels are twisted in odd ways, and the passenger seat appears as though it has been totaled instead of having been part of the first and last Wizardly war. Most of the parts were cursed and had to be replaced. He placed his hand on the plating then close his eyes wincing, experiencing the dark feeling that told a story (and so did the damage).

Sirius driving, driving, and driving, chased by Death Eaters. Looking over his shoulder then summoning the craft to the ground to lead the chase down to the ground away from the sky. Of unexpected damage that caused him to be withdrawn out of the craft with bruises, wounds, and cuts. Fleeing on foot throwing aside the helmet heading toward the nearest forest on Halloween night long after the Muggles had celebrated the day.

Peter withdrew his hand out of the memory that he had imagined how it happened leading up to Sirius being in the same space as Voldemort.

"I will make sure Harry gets your baby." Peter said. "All good and new." Then his voice started to crack. "I promise."

* * *

It's feels like years later, that he comes across Lily, James, Snape (Weird, of all people, that Snape was allowed into their social circle. Peter suspects that it was Lily who talked James over into forgiving him and giving him a second chance.), Alice, Frank, and Remus. But it is really one year. They're all in the same place. Same room. Back in the manor having a meet up with a invite from the Potters to celebrate one year since Voldemort's defeat. It was during the school year so Dumbledore was unable to attend.

 _'Huh, I wonder why they want to see me?'_ Peter briefly wondered and feared, at first, being discovered. But with everything that he had done, seeking and finding Death Eaters then obliviating himself from their memories; his fears were unfounded. And all the paperwork with his name was taken care of with a unrelated name that didn't exist. Snape and he had came to a agreement of never divulging their parts in the war, a strange conversation, _"Do they know?_ " and a head shake in return from both all when the Potters weren't around months ago after bumping into each other.

Peter had a new arm but it is mechanical and needed to be taken care of properly under his long sleeve that is made specifically for it with magic that keeps it from getting entangled in it. He had completely forgotten about it when he took his jacket off and hooked it up.

"Wormtail!"

He turned and spotted that Lily was carrying a new one year old with a tuff of red head in her arms.

"Lily!"

Little Harry was two years old hopping up and down the stairs then storming up and down lacking a shirt--He could already imagine Sirius going after the boy from across and beckoning him to his room insisting that he could take care of the situation. It broke what little of a heart that he had left into millions of pieces as the red head approached him with a smile and hugged him. She backed off, one hand on his shoulder, her smiling fading into concern.

"What happened to your arm, Peter?" Lily asked as she scanned him with her green eyes. "And your face?"

"I had a accident." Peter said as James joined Lily's side.

"What kind of accident?" James asked.

"Death Eater accident." Peter said. "I wasn't really thinking right after seeing Sirius."

The Potters grew quiet then nodded somberly. 

"Neither am I." James said.

"How do you think they found him?" Lily asked.

"I don't know." Peter shook his head. "Whoever told you know who. . . Must be suffering greatly."

"I hope they are." Lily said.

"Lily." James said.

"It's true." Lily turned toward James. "I don't care who they are or where they are. If I had my hands on them; I would make them pay with my bare hands." Peter winced, regretfully, releasing a sigh. "No wand required."

"I thought you hadn't seen him." Peter said.

"We haven't." James said. "Snape has."

"I finished the chocolate magical pudding." Snape came from the distance--and he sounded happier than he had all those years ago. It was different as everyone turned in the direction of the kitchen then grew broad smiles. "The chocolate cake will be ready in five more minutes."

"How many people are coming here?"

"Just some classmates." Lily said.

"Shame we couldn't bring Sirius here to attend it." James said. "He is the man of the hour."

"One day he will be able to attend it." Lily said as Harry bolted behind them with a playful shriek. "James, your son is wearing his pants as his shirt."

"COME BACK HERE, OGRE!" James chased after the boy.

Harry laughed as James picked him up and placed him against his side then sped up the stairs.

"Pa! Pa! Paaaaa!" Harry cried.

Peter went outside to the patio then shielded his eyes, behind a bush, and quietly sobbed.

"I miss him." As he sensed Lily joining his side.

"Me too." Lily said, clenching a hand on his shoulder, sorrowfully. "Some days, I wish . . ."

"Wish what?"

"He took your suggestion." Lily said. "Alive and well. No harm to his mind."

"Lily, if he did, you wouldn't be alive and so would James." Peter replied. "There would be harm to his mind and he wouldn't be well."

He shook his head as she looked aside, sorrowfully.

"He would be a very unhappy person." he held his hands up turning them over. "I am a rat." then he quickly amended. "Rats squeal."

Peter sighed lowering his head.

"He was right about me being too much of a coward. He truly was." Peter said. "I wish I were brave as he was."

"Me too." Lily said then beckoned him. "Come on, we're all in pain. Let's talk it out."

Peter could talk; just the way that he had to her.

The heaviness in his heart lifted as allowed himself to smile and walk back into the light with Lily.

And he sealed his fate.


End file.
